Nobody
Author: Daniela Dalalishvili
Nadie – Spanish for nobody.
Cry. That’s the first thing someone does when they are born. They cry because air enters their lungs and it doesn’t feel right. Eventually , they get used to it and stop. Then comes the most important part of someones life. They are given a name. Nadie. They looked at her and that was the first thing that came to mind. I guess she was doomed from the very beginning.
She was bright. The type that light up the room when she walked in it. She loved interacting with others, wether that was talking , singing or whatever else, she always tried to life up others mood. For some reason , she had a feeling that this was her mission. To make people laugh , smile and just happy. And she succeeded. A lot. I mean, if you asked others , they all loved her. Although , she didn’t really have friends. But that didn’t matter. She was happy with what she had. Or something close to that. Until she wasn’t.
Children are lie porcelain dolls. Full of wonder , ambition and light. they think with their hearts and don’t know that their hearts are the most precious things in the world. With all of that, they are naïve , fragile and can break really easily . Just like those porcelain dolls.
What happened to you? She hated that question. She didn’t know. Well, she did but there were so many things going through her head that she knew that even if she tried to explain, words wouldn’t be enough. Maybe it was the comments that people made about her appearance or the snickering that followed . and suddenly , she didn’t want to talk anymore. She didn’t want to sing or dance or interact with others in any sense of that word. The rather funny thing is, the same people that did this to her , asked her these questions. They didn’t even remember. They didn’t even remember when that was the only thing she thought about. It wasn’t fair. It was fair how they could move on but she was still stuck in that god awful memory . What happened? “You. You did.” She so badly wanted to scream, but for some reason couldn’t. for some reason , she couldn’t bring herself to hurt others. The same people that hurt her. So she never did anything. That’s the moment when she truly started to feel like herself. Nadie.
Nadie always felt out of place. Ever since she was little. Even when she was born she was crying. She was crying because the air entered her lungs and it didn’t feel right. The thing is, she never go used to the feeling , unlike other. She didn’t belong here. Nadie nevr felt whole. It was as if she was carrying this emptiness with her that she couldn’t get rid of. Perhaps that why she always tried to crack jokes or make others day. Perhaps she hoped that maybe, just maybe that would be enough. Enough to feel the void. But the emptiness never left. It only grew and with time she stoped trying to feel it. Maybe she was the emptiness herself. She was truly Nadie.
Humans are trapped. You are born , you go to school ,then, if you are lucky , university and after that you work yourself to death. Humans are sad and when you are sad you will do anything to feel joy again, even if that means taking it from someone else. Humans are cruel. Pathetic . So pathetic that they need to put others down so they don’t hate themselves. Thinking about those animals makes me sick. I never wanted to be like that.
Nadie wasn’t like that. She was the one whose joy was taken by another. Normally that creates a cycle : the abused becomes the abuser. But that wasn’t the case here. She never got people back for what they did to her. And she hated herself for it. She hated herself because she so badly wanted to stand up for herself but she could find the strength to do so. Maybe humans were right. Maybe she was weak. I mean, she couldn’t even defend herself. God that’s sad. Maybe she did deserve what she got. Those thought never left her alone and when you hear something enough times, you start to believe it.
Self loathing is poison . It spreads until it takes over your whole life. It can get to the point where that’s the only thing you feel. That’s where Nadie was. Most of the time , she didn’t feel. She couldn’t even get angry at anyone and if she did , she would always find a way to blame it on herself. People like her give me hope in humanity. But then again, I guess she was never really human.
What is the point? You are born, you go to school , if your lucky, university and the work until you feel yourself slipping away. Occasionally , you might ruin someones life just to feel better about yours even for a second , but why? No one knows. Not even Nadie.but as she sits there, waiting for her time to come , she doesn’t care anymore. And when whatever it is that will take her away from this world arrives , she will smile, even if it’s the last thing she will ever do.
Her name was Nadie and she was the most human thing to ever exist.
